Keeping Your Relationship Alive After Parenthood
Becoming a parent is, without doubt, life-changing. Having a child enriches your life and can bring a great deal of joy and new experiences.
But it can also bring challenges.
One of the main ones is maintaining your relationship as your tiny bundle of joy demands your time, attention and energy. As any new parent will tell you, it can be tough to keep the spark between you alive and maintain your romantic connection when so much of your focus is taken up by your child. And, if you don’t establish good habits early on in parenthood, the distance between you can grow, along with your child.
Adapting into parenthood
Renowned psychotherapist and author, Esther Perel has many great insights about how to adapt into parenthood without losing your individuality or the connection between you as a couple. In this blog, I will expand on some of Esther’s principles, which focus on the importance of individual growth rather than solely embracing the role of a parent.
Adapting into parenthood
Renowned psychotherapist and author, Esther Perel has many great insights about how to adapt into parenthood without losing your individuality or the connection between you as a couple. In this blog, I will expand on some of Esther’s principles, which focus on the importance of individual growth rather than solely embracing the role of a parent.
The core of a strong relationship
Esther Perel emphasises the importance of maintaining desire and passion within a long-term relationship. She believes the key to a thriving romantic relationship is to achieve a balance between the security of commitment and the excitement of exploration. It is easy for the demands of parenthood to become all-encompassing, but the secret is for couples to reclaim their identity as individuals and lovers.
Here are five ways that you can work towards this…
- Prioritise Self-Care
It may seem odd to say that one of the ways to have a good relationship is to prioritise self-care, but if you think about it, it makes sense. When we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and mentally, we are better equipped to contribute positively to our relationships. A good way to approach this is to make time for activities you enjoy, to exercise regularly, and to ensure you get adequate rest.
- Commit to Quality Communication
It is important to have open and honest communication with your partner. Maintaining a sense of curiosity about your partner helps to foster a deeper feeling of connection. As parents, it’s all too easy to get caught up in conversations about the children, daily chores and everyday responsibilities. But, while these things are important, it’s equally vital to share your feelings, concerns, and desires, your hopes and dreams. Without this, life can feel like a series of mundane tasks and conversations.
- Rediscover Your Passions
When you become a parent, you can become so absorbed in your child that you lose sight of your own passions and interests. This is a mistake that many parents make and one that can be very detrimental to a relationship. When you engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment it not only enhances your personal wellbeing, but also adds depth and vibrancy to your relationship, giving you something to talk about beyond the everyday ins and outs of parenting.
- Plan Regular Date Nights
A great idea is to schedule regular date nights. Find a babysitter you can trust so you and your partner can spend time together, taking a brief respite from the responsibilities of parenting. This not only creates a dedicated space for connection, but it also allows you to enjoy each other’s company and see each other as individuals again rather than simply as parents. This can help to remind you what attracted you to each other in the first place and reignite the spark between you.
- Embrace Change:
Parenthood brings with it inevitable changes. It is crucial to embrace these changes rather than resisting them. Esther Perel suggests that the ability to adapt to change and view it as an opportunity for growth can both enhance your personal resilience and strengthen your relationship. By contrast, as with any change, pushing against it can lead to suffering in the form of frustration, anxiety or stress.
Balance the roles of parent and partner
The takeaway message from all of this is that rekindling the spark in your relationship after having children takes a conscious effort – and you have to both want to do it. The secret is to learn to balance the roles of parent and partner. I believe that incorporating these five steps can help you do that.
It’s good to be aware, too, that any thriving relationship is built on a foundation of mutual understanding, communication, and a commitment to the ongoing journey of self-discovery and shared exploration. It is as important to remember this after having children as it is at any point on the relationship path – maybe more so as this is when you can lose yourselves in the everyday demands of being a parent. Consider, too, that while parenting is at its most intense when children are young, the responsibilities continue throughout your life, so it is a good idea to try and strike a good balance and establish positive habits early on.
If you would like support either individually or as a couple with relationship or personal development issues, contact me.
