Six Repeating Patterns That Could Hinder Your Relationship
(And What You Can Do About Them)
When we embark on a loving relationship it can be a beautiful journey filled with love and companionship and growth. But, over time, repeating patterns of behaviour can begin to emerge and we may become stuck in conflict and frustration. The relationship may begin to stagnate and problems can spiral.
As a therapist, I see numerous couples and witness how such repeating patterns can lead to ongoing relationship difficulties and misunderstandings. So, what can be done to tackle these repeating patterns and halt the downward spiral?
Here are six of the most common patterns of behaviour that couples can experience and some tips on how to break these patterns…
- Communication breakdown
Misunderstandings, misinterpretations or avoiding difficult conversations…. These are all signs of poor communication or communication breakdown between couples. If left unaddressed, they can lead to frustration, resentment and a lack of emotional intimacy.
Tip: The key is to encourage open and honest communication. As a therapist I teach couples active listening, empathy and assertive communication skills. We also need to address any underlying issues that hinder their ability to communicate well. Where could you communicate better in your close personal relationships?
- Conflict Avoidance
Maybe you know a couple that never seems to argue. On the face of it, this may seem like a harmonious approach to a relationship and you might find yourself wishing you could emulate it. But some couples avoid conflict at all costs and this type of repeating behaviour can lead to unresolved issues and unmet needs, resulting in rising tension.
Tip: Healthy conflict can be good as it leads to growth and problem-solving. As a therapist, I teach couples conflict resolution strategies and encourage them to create a safe space for expressing their concerns. If you are aware of avoiding conflict in your relationship, think about how you might be able to express your concerns safely and effectively.
- Power Struggles
In some relationships one partner may try to control or dominate the other. This type of repeating pattern tends to be rooted in issues relating to trust, insecurity or a lack of equality within the relationship.
Tip: The way to address power imbalances is to work on building trust and mutual respect. As a therapist I encourage couples to define and understand each other’s roles within the relationship.
- Unmet Expectations
You know what it’s like when you have an expectation about something and your expectation isn’t met. You feel disappointed and maybe even a bit resentful. Within couples there can be many different types of unmet expectations – doing chores, intimacy, emotional support… If you have differing expectations or feel your expectations are repeatedly not met, this can lead to conflict.
Tip: It’s a good idea to clarify your expectations and work on compromise. I tell my clients that no one can read their partner’s mind, so good communication is vital to be able to express and manage each other’s expectations. Think about where you feel your expectations are not met within your relationship. How might you be able to communicate this to your partner in a positive way to encourage a different way forward?
- Emotional Distance
Over time, emotional distance can develop between couples. This type of repeating pattern can be caused by unresolved issues, past traumas or simply because the couple has grown apart.
Tip: It’s important to rebuild your emotional connection. I encourage couples to do this through shared activities, deep conversations or spending quality time together. You may need to work in a therapeutic setting to address any unresolved past issues that may be contributing to this emotional distance.
- Repetitive Arguments
You know what it’s like, there is a disagreement about something and suddenly you find yourself embroiled in that same old argument that you’ve had so many times before. And maybe you wonder ‘how did we end up here again?’ Recurring arguments tend to be about fundamental issues that remain unresolved so they continue to surface.
Tip: You may need therapeutic support to identify the underlying cause of these recurring conflicts and find constructive ways to address them. I encourage my clients to come up with compromises and ways of problem-solving rather than perpetuating the same old disputes.
What all of this shows is that we can find ourselves in patterns of behaviour in our closest relationships that can cause ongoing problems if left unresolved. An awareness of what your repetitive patterns are is a good start, as we can easily remain unconscious of these issues until they escalate into bigger problems.
I am aware that there can be a misconception that couples therapy is only for those at crisis point in their relationship. In fact, many couples could benefit from therapeutic support to unlock their repetitive patterns and develop tools to break free from them and strengthen their relationship. It can assist them in their journey towards healthier, happier and more fulfilling connection. By committing to couples therapy, you can learn to build a happier, more harmonious and loving relationship.
For more information about couples therapy visit https://www.ptpsychotherapy.co.uk/couples-counselling-london-amersham
